In the Air Chapter 16
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Mistress didn't sleep long. The quiet of the house and the chimes of one of the temples told Halsin it was still early when she stirred, waking him and Keevon. But she merely kissed them both, crawling out of bed on Keevon's side and pinning him down for another, lingering kiss before she got dressed.
"I have matters to attend to and I will not be back today. Maybe you can use the time to get to know each other a little better." She left them with that, sweeping out of the room, presumably to get ready for the day in her private quarters, the ones she had never let Halsin see, and he thought no one else either, except a trusted servant or two.
Keevon had let himself flop back onto the pillows once the door had fallen shut behind Mistress. With tousled hair and sleep-soft features, he seemed unwilling to meet the day yet.
"Would you like me to stay?" Unsure what was expected of him, Halsin knelt with his hands on his thighs, ready to retreat to his bedroll or to do whatever Keevon wanted of him.
"In bed? If you want to. I don't mind sharing." Keevon rolled over on his side to face Halsin, his head pillowed on his arm. "If you're asking whether I want sex with you, then the answer is no."
It should have been a relief. But Halsin immediately wondered if he had done something wrong, fearing that Keevon simply was more patient about his cruelty than Tarlyn had been.
"Did I not please you?" Head down and shoulders hunched, Halsin wished that Mistress hadn't left them alone. He was walking a tightrope of not knowing what to say or do, afraid that a mistake would offend Keevon or anger him.
"You did. I was very pleased with you. But right now I would much prefer to rest a little longer. And you are welcome to keep me company, and join me for breakfast once we get up." Keevon held up the blanket, and Halsin lay down next to him. Before he had time to worry about what exactly company entailed, Keevon had turned over, his back to Halsin's chest, and settled down.
Halsin lay as still as he could so as not to disturbed Keevon's rest. Early as it was, he couldn't find the calm to return to his reverie, and simply waited for Keevon to be ready to start the day. Having Keevon nestle into him and slip away into reverie left Halsin on edge, afraid of doing the wrong thing. Was he supposed to hold Keevon, like Mistress wanted him to most of the time? It was obvious he wasn't to turn around or get up, now that he had decided to stay.
Ever so slowly, Halsin let one arm rest on Keevon's side, his hand lying on Keevon's stomach. At least until Keevon took it and pulled Halsin closer, holding on to his hand, cradling it to his chest. Halsin couldn't help but think about the way Keevon had touched his hands the night before, shivering at the ghost of the gentle caresses.
If Keevon had expected anything different from him, he gave no sign of it. He only rolled over once he was properly awake, stretching with a groan and running one hand through his hair, leaving it even more mussed than before.
"Breakfast?" He put the question to Halsin with a smile, and it did sound like a question. One that Halsin found it easy to agree to, both for the food and the opportunity to talk a little more with him. He had to find out how to please Keevon, and the sooner he did, the better.
Disappearing in the bath, Keevon gave Halsin time to get dressed, make the bed and carry the food left for them out on the balcony. By the time it occurred to him that Keevon might prefer something different, it was already too late. Halsin took his place kneeling next to the table only moments before Keevon stepped out of the bedroom.
"You can sit with me, there's no need for you to kneel." Keevon held out a hand, firmly grasping Halsin's to help him up. Standing made Halsin tower over Keevon, and he took a quick step back, Keevon's fingers brushing along his own in a lingering touch. He sat down opposite Keevon, picking up a cup of tea so he had something to do with his hands. The various fruits and cheeses looked very inviting, but Halsin didn't quite dare take anything yet, not while Keevon was still picking and choosing.
"We should talk about what I expect of you." Keevon nudged the plate of cheese closer to Halsin, inviting him with a gesture to have some. "I don't know what Tarlyn wanted from you, but I can guess. He had a reputation. I don't want any of that. I don't want sex with you, I don't want you to kneel or crawl or flinch away from me when I as much as look at you. I don't want to give orders. What I would very much like to requestis having your company."
"But—why?" Halsin blurted it out, immediately regretting it.
"Why would I like your company?" Keevon had stopped with a piece of apple halfway to his mouth, and he waited for Halsin to at least nod. "Because you are not playing any of the games the others in the house are playing, trying to heighten their own position or preparing the fall of someone else. They are all very interested in me right now, and I have to play. I'm good at it. But I don't particularly enjoy it. So I would appreciate being around someone who doesn't see me as their next stepping stone or target, and it seems to me that it would work out well for both of us."
It was not at all what Halsin had expected. Every drow he had met after being brought to the house had only been too happy to let him feel that he was no more than a slave, alive because Mistress had taken a liking to him. One that might grow cold and wither at any moment.
For a moment, he wondered if Keevon was playing a game after all, treating Halsin well to please Mistress. After what had happened to Tarlyn, it wasn't impossible. But Mistress had picked Keevon, out of what Halsin was sure had been an abundance of suitors, and he was the patron of the house. Not someone who had need to have a slave speak well of them, even one that Mistress liked.
It was as tempting and alluring to trust as Keevon's gentleness last night had been, and just as hard to resist. It promised a relief of Halsin's loneliness, and the chance to be around someone who made no demands of him, spoken or unspoken.
What did he have to lose? Trusting Keevon would at worst result in betrayal and punishment, but refusing him would certainly draw his and Mistress' ire. And at best, it would allow Halsin to have a little normalcy, as much as he could get down here.
"I would like that. How—what did you have in mind?" Halsin was far out of his depth, holding on to his cup of tea as if it were the only thing keeping him afloat.
"I'm not sure." Keevon laughed, leaning back in his chair. He seemed relieved, his smile soft. Taking a moment to think, Keevon picked at the food on his plate, and Halsin remembered his own. The cheese was sharp and crumbly, almost but not quite like goat, and went well with the small pears he had chosen.
Keevon let him eat unobserved, his attention on the garden below as he spoke. "It's strange to live here, with rooms all to myself. I'm not used to that. Of course I have duties and those occupy my time, but not overly much of it. And Lady Zesstra will not be requiring my presence at all times either. So I am left to entertain myself."
"I have not decided what to do about that. The library looks promising." He shrugged, tossing a strand of hair out of his face. "Mostly, I would very much like to be around you. Talk if we feel like it. We can start with that."
It struck Halsin that Keevon might be as lonely as he was. Not in the same way. But being married into a new house, and navigating all the intrigue and politics, that had to take a toll even for someone trained for it. No wonder he saw Halsin as someone who would be easy to be around, not a threat and not an active player in that game. A pawn at best, certainly not someone with agency.
Halsin refused to let that thought hurt. Keevon had been very careful not to be cruel with his words, so there was no reason to be harsh with himself. It simply was the truth.
"I spend a lot of time with the library. Is there anything you like to read about?" The question made Keevon sit up and turn to Halsin, clearly eager to move past the awkward discussion of what shape their relationship might take. The conversation got a little easier to navigate as they talked about the contents of the library, but Halsin knew he would do well to remember his position and not let his guard down too much, tempting as it was with how animated and interested Keevon was.
Exploring the library kept them busy for much of the day. Over the months, Halsin had gotten to know it well, and he relished the chance to talk about it, recommending this or that book he had already read and listening to Keevon talk about and read aloud of the poets he liked. He clearly had been trained to do this, even a few casual lines he picked out of a book seemingly at random turned into a performance.
After such a long time of being either on his own or only in Mistress' company where he knew the rules most of the time, having Keevon as company was exciting and exhausting at the same time. Keevon had picked a book to read, curling up in one of the big chairs in front of the tall windows under a gently glowing potted mushroom and leaving Halsin to go about the small chores of keeping the apartment in order. His presence remained a pull at the back of Halsin's mind, part of him always ready to react to having his name spoken or even to just a sound of displeasure.
With Keevon gone in the afternoon, Halsin had a few hours to himself, using them for a long shower and some meditation, attempting to order his thoughts and feelings. It left him a little calmer, at least until Keevon returned for dinner as he had said he would. Mindful of Keevon saying that he didn't want him to kneel, Halsin kept himself busy arranging and rearranging the dishes until Keevon had taken his seat before sitting down.
Keevon chatted easily about the people he had met while away. By the end of their meal, Halsin had learned more about Mistress' house and the duties of a consort than he had in all the months before. It did not surprise him that Keevon's main task was acting as a diplomat in negotiations. It suited him.
"Would you share the bed with me tonight?" Keevon asked it between spoonfuls of a sweet cake, rich with chocolate and spices.
It caught Halsin unaware, and he couldn't think of an answer for a few terrifying moments. Maybe the question was genuine, maybe not. There was no possible answer except yes, although the thought that Keevon would accept a no was making a home for itself in Halsin's mind. But he knew better than to trust it.
Besides, he did not want to say no.
"Please, I would like that." It still felt brazen not to give Keevon a title but he had not demanded one, and Halsin thought it would have disappointed him to have Halsin use one.
His agreement won him a bright smile from Keevon, one that crinkled the corners of his eyes and softened his whole face. It made Halsin's heart beat faster, and so did the quick touch to his hand, fingertips brushing the back of it in a casual gesture.
It was dangerous, how much he yearned to simply believe in Keevon's respect and his efforts to not give orders but make suggestions. Tarlyn had never seen him as anything but a toy for his amusement, and to take his anger out on. Mistress has grown so much gentler with Halsin over time, but he knew that he couldn't refuse her anything. Keevon—everything about him seemed genuine. He didn't give off the sense of a trap waiting to be sprung. But then, he had been trained to seem genuine in everything he said and did.
Caught between the desperate wish to trust and all his instincts of survival screaming at him not to, Halsin followed Keevon inside once they had finished eating. He took his cue from Keevon to undress, although he couldn't bring himself to be as unconcerned about their nakedness as Keevon was and gladly hid under the covers.
Keevon left space between them, a book balanced on his knees and a pillow stuffed behind his back. He looked perfectly at home, as if they had been doing this for years and not for less than a day. Halsin wished for some of his self-assurance and composure. He barely knew how to lie down - on his side, his back, facing Keevon, should he close the space between them?
"I am an incorrigible reader in bed, if I have the chance." Keevon said it in a tone fitting the admission of a grave crime. "But you certainly don't have to stay awake."
"Would you read to me?" Halsin didn't know what made him ask, but Keevon's smile told him it had been the right thing to say. And he had enjoyed the snatches of verse Keevon had read out to him earlier.
"I'd like that, let me pick something." Leafing through the book, Keevon sat up a little straighter, strands of hair falling into his face. It made him look much younger, and Halsin could imagine him as a boy, studying or reading for pleasure.
Curling up on his side, Halsin moved a little closer to Keevon, so close that it no longer felt strange but not so close that they were in danger of touching. He pillowed his head on his forearm, watching Keevon turn the pages until he had decided on something suitable.
The lilt in Keevon's voice grew much more pronounced when he read aloud, a rising and falling melody that carried Halsin along with the words. He half closed his eyes and followed the story, a tale of making a deal with a devil and trying to cheat him out of the agreed price. Halsin did not think it would end well, but you never knew. He hoped he was wrong.
Keevon's hand settled on Halsin's head light as a feather, petting his hair in idle little strokes. It left Halsin wanting more and he shifted, grabbing a pillow to lie on so Keevon would be able to reach better. A small voice at the back of his mind wailed that he mustn't. It was a trap. It would only encourage Keevon to take more.
It made Keevon pull back his hand and stop reading. Halsin hurried to apologise, but Keevon was faster.
"I am sorry, I should have asked." He had closed the book on his finger, looking down at Halsin with concern, as if he worried he had done something wrong. "It's habit. I used to read to— Does it bother you? You can tell me. I know you don't believe that, or believe that you have a choice, but you do. At least with me."
Even if Halsin hadn't so badly wished to believe it, he couldn't challenge Keevon's words. He had no choice but to trust him that he did have a choice. No whipping and no amount of chains and abuse had ever made him this painfully aware of his position. It left Halsin tired and sad.
"Please, don't stop." Rolling over on his other side, Halsin leaned his back against Keevon's leg, throwing caution into the wind.
Keevon took the story up again, finding his place and his voice. Surely he had noticed Halsin's hesitation, but he did not comment on it. Maybe because he didn't know what to say, how to make this any easier. He started to wind the strands falling across Halsin's shoulder around his fingers, playing with the braids as he read.
Listening to him, Halsin breathed slowly, focusing on letting the tension flow out of his limbs. Keevon's steady voice and his gentle touches helped, putting Halsin in a state not unlike meditation, removed from all his fears and worries for a time. He managed to hold on to it even when the story was finished. Keevon set the book aside and stretched out under the covers, pressing his back to Halsin's.
"Thank you. I enjoy hearing you read." Halsin turned over to wrap one arm around Keevon like he had this morning. Not because he thought Keevon expected it but because he wanted to, a rare enough thing for him these days.
"I'm glad." Keevon took Halsin's hand, holding it to his chest and nestling even closer into him. He grew pliant in Halsin's arms, sinking deeper into reverie by the moment, and Halsin followed.
Chapter 17
Chapter 1